The Final Straw

After 13 years of marriage the final straw that made me decide to start documenting and taking the abuse more seriously…

Last night my feet were cold. I put my cold toes on the back of my husband’s thighs (as I have done a million times before). He reacted by grabbing my foot with both hands and pulling my leg forward. I didn’t think too much of it at first. He squeezed my foot until I yelled “ouch!” and then he quickly twisted my leg painfully popping my knee and ankle. I cried out in pain and he threw my leg, rolled over and went back to sleep as I lay there crying.

I lay there crying due to the excruciating pain in my knee. I got up and took tylenol and advil, laid down in my office with my leg elevated with ice on my knee. I texted him “When you grabbed my foot and twisted until it popped it was my knee and ankle that popped. Now I can’t sleep because it hurts so bad.” He replied with ?

He went to work without saying anything to me. And when he came home on lunch, I brought it up again. He said he didn’t remember that happening. I said, whether you remember it or not, you assaulted me and caused me a painful injury. He got mad and yelled at me asking what I wanted him to do about it.

I told him that a normal person would feel empathy or sympathy or perhaps guilt for causing pain to someone else. They might apologize, hug the person, ask if there is anything they can do to help, etc.

Here is the thing… this is normal for him. Any time I bring up a way that he has hurt me, physically or emotionally, he gets mad at me and I end up having to explain to him how he should act. He makes it MY responsibility to tell him how to fix a situation he created by his actions.

A normal person does not need to be told to feel bad for hurting someone. They FEEL bad for hurting someone. An abusive person does.

But…. he did end up giving me a hug and telling me he was sorry after I told him that that was what he needed to do. Yippee.